The Next Loving Action

When you ask Jesus a question, you often get more than you bargained for.  In today’s gospel passage a lawyer asks Jesus a question: “Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?”  It might seem like a straightforward question.  There are 613 commandments in the Law of Moses, and the question is which of them is the greatest.  Jesus chooses the one from Deuteronomy 6:5.   It was a highly prominent commandment from the beginning, and you can see how prominent it was when you read it in its context:

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God, the Lord alone.  You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might.  Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart.  Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise.  Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

These verses include the Shema, the most important Jewish prayer, which was recited at least twice a day, and often literally bound on the hand, the forehead, and the doorposts.  It is not a particularly surprising commandment for Jesus to choose as the most important one.  The lawyer has gotten what he bargained for; Jesus has answered his question with a good answer.

The interesting thing is what happens next, after Jesus has answered the question the lawyer asked him.  Jesus keeps talking, and saying more than the lawyer bargained for.  Jesus says, “And a second is like it”. This is something surprising, to say that there is a second commandment which is like this really great and prominent one.  The second commandment he chooses is not so prominent; it is tucked into Leviticus in between the law not to slander anyone, and the law not to put on a garment made of two different materials.  “You shall love your neighbour as yourself.”  Jesus goes further, saying not only that this is the second greatest commandment, but even saying, “on these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”  

There is a story in the Babylonian Talmud in which someone comes to Rabbi Hillel (who lived in the century before Jesus) and challenged him to teach him the whole of Torah while standing on one foot.  Hillel’s response is “That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah.  The rest is commentary.”  So what Jesus is saying here is not a totally foreign concept.  Still, “don’t do something despicable” is a pretty low bar, and “love” is a pretty lofty goal.

It is also deeply significant that Jesus links these two commandments so closely, saying that the second is like the first.  The two commandments are not identical, and they don’t need to be.  Still, both of them find their source in the same place, God’s love for us.   As 1st John 4:19 puts it, “we love because God first loved us.”  Our love for God is our response to God’s infinite love for us, and to the way God has loved us from the very beginning.  Our love for God is adoration of the way God loves us so magnificently, so generously, with so much beauty.  Our love for God is gratitude for all the amazing gifts God gives us in our lives, including the way God loves us unconditionally, meeting all our sins with forgiveness and grace.   

As we reflect on how graciously God loves us even with all our sins, we may be able to get a glimpse of our neighbour through God’s eyes, that God loves our neighbour even with all our neighbour’s sins.  Just as our sins don’t make us unlovable to God, our neighbour’s sins don’t make our neighbour unlovable to God either.  Keeping that God’s eye view of ourself and our neighbour may help loosen up our fixation on our neighbour’s sins, if that is getting in the way of our love, or it may help loosen up our fixation on our own sins, if our own harsh self-judgements are what’s getting in our way. 

If you find you’re overdoing it on people-pleasing or codependency, or if you find you’re neglecting yourself too much, those are good things to work on and get some help for.  

There is a saying that you have to learn to love yourself first before you can love anyone else.  I see where that idea comes from, but I don’t really believe it.  It can also be really discouraging.  For someone who already struggles to love herself, it sounds like all her love for everyone else is invalidated.  And it can also make her feel hopeless that she will always be incapable of loving anyone until she’s somehow achieved self-love, which she has no idea how to accomplish.  What a desperately lonely downward spiral to be in.

I’ve also noticed something in people that I know personally and people who’ve written about their experiences.  Among people who are recovering from experiences of abuse or rape, I’ve noticed that they quite often gravitate to caring for dogs or cats or other small vulnerable animals, especially animals who need extra care.  I find this encouraging.  I have a gut sense that this caring for small vulnerable animals is part of the process of their own healing.  That in caring tenderly and lovingly for a vulnerable animal’s body, they are starting to find access to tenderness and love toward their own vulnerable body.  That in experiencing the ways in which the animal is hurt and is also lovable, they are also experiencing the ways in which they are hurt and also lovable.  That in showing tenderness and care for an animal, they are finding that even with all their pain, they are still capable of love.

Sometimes, loving others is intertwined in beautiful and healing ways with loving ourselves.  Many theologians define love of neighbour not as a warm fuzzy feeling, since emotions come and go, but as a commitment to act for our neighbour’s well-being.  I believe that’s true even if the neighbour you are caring for is a tiny kitten you are fostering, and you wake up in the middle of the night to feed it, whether you feel like it or not, because you are committed to acting for that kitten’s well-being.  

There is also something beautiful about the way people who are in a really low mood often take the advice to get out of your own head by doing an act of kindness for someone else.  That can be shoveling snow off a neighbour’s sidewalk or baking a treat for a neighbour or visiting someone who’s lonely.  You can do acts of kindness whether you’ve mastered self-love or not.  And doing an act of kindness often does make you feel better yourself.  Even a kind word to a stranger can change someone’s day for the better, and can change your day for the better too.  Listening with compassion to what someone wants to say is an act of kindness, an act of love.

There is almost always some form of kindness or love for a neighbour that is available for you to do.  Don’t forget that you always have the option to pray for someone, which is also a way to love your neighbour.  

If you sometimes feel that there is more that needs to be done than you can possibly do, remember that it is not your job to do everything.  You simply do what you can, with the next loving action.  

At the other end of the range, we sometimes feel the temptation to interfere too much in someone else’s life for their own good.  When we are in that situation, it is helpful to remember that respecting their autonomy and giving them some space is also acting for their well-being.  Knowing when to stay out of their business can also be an act of love.

When we look at this commandment from Jesus, we also remember what Jesus teaches us in the parable of the good Samaritan: that our neighbours are not just the people in our own family, our own religion, our own ethnic group, our own friends and acquaintances.  The neighbours Jesus commands us to love are all our neighbours.  Jesus commands us to love our immigrant neighbours, our black neighbours, our indigenous neighbours, our unhoused neighbours, our gay neighbours, our trans neighbours, our Muslim neighbours, our Jewish neighbours, our atheist neighbours.  

This involves all the ways in which we act for our neighbour’s good, including the action of voting, as Bishop Andrew pointed out in his letter on Friday.  When we vote, each of us has the opportunity to vote for the well-being of our neighbours, including our neighbours of different religions, races, ethnicities, immigration status, sexual orientation, gender identity, and income levels.  

With all the problems in the world, and all the people who need love and action for their well-being, we can sometimes feel overwhelmed.  And sometimes, due to our own frailties and sins, we respond in a way that is not loving.  

Two of the things I am most looking forward to in heaven, are that in heaven I will be able to love God with all my heart, and with all my soul, and with all my might, truly and completely, and that I will be able to love every single person on earth as I love myself, with 100% complete love, all the time, for the rest of eternity.  And so will you.  While we are here on earth, all of us are a work in progress.  Still, by God’s grace, while we are on earth we have the gift of being able to participate in loving, which is a bit of heaven on earth.  And we have faith that by God’s grace, when our time comes to leave this earth our sins will be washed away and as we enjoy God’s infinite love, we will participate in loving completely.